Free Samples
by Rocket Wolf
Summary: One day, Giovanni calls Jessie, James and Meowth into his office to assign them a new mission!...grocery shopping?


**Disclaimer: Thou hath not own-ith thing-ith called-ith Pokemon-ith. And thou also heard-ith that thou liketh kips of thee mud. **

_Well, wow. For the first time since '08, I have whipped up another completely random and hopefully humorous one-shot poking mindless fun at Team Rocket (woot!). I hope some of you will find this fic enjoyable for the time being. If not...well, I'm sorry. Read it anyway. You know you want toooo.~ ;D_

_..._

The man in the red suit tapped his fingers impatiently as he sat at his desk in the dark, cold room of the Team Rocket headquarters. A cat-like creature mewed at his side and a large hand from the man came in contact with it, stroking its soft, furry head as the pokemon purred in response.

"I should've known this was a bad idea the minute it came to my head," the man said darkly. He rubbed his forehead with the hand that wasn't petting the persain, feeling the start of a headache coming on. "If those three incompetents don't show themselves soon, I'm going to have to do the job myself. I thought I told them to be here as quickly as possible when I last called."

"Perrr..." the normal-type replied, not having a care in the world of its Master's problems but rather, taking the time to enjoy getting its ears scratched.

All of a sudden, the door cracked open, making a squeaky noise as it did so. A grunt stuck his head out of the narrow opening and cleared his throat. "Err...um, Mr. Giovanni, sir..."

"What is it you want?!" Giovanni growled, apparently annoyed.

"Uhhh..." the grunt swallowed a lump forming in his throat. His boss sure was scary, especially when he when he hadn't yet had his morning coffee. "Agents Jessie, James and Meowth have arrived, sir, and -"

"Well, finally..." Giovanni murmured to himself, rolling his eyes. "Send them in."

"Umm...okay..." the grunt said hastily before he completely disappeared. The boy had probably been relived to get away from the intimidation that came with Giovanni and his dark office. He most likely wouldn't be back until he himself were to be called up.

Giovanni sighed and poked at a bobble-headed jigglypuff figurine that sat atop his desk as he waited. _What's taking them?, _he pondered irritably, resting his chin on his fist.

His question was soon answered as a shrill cry arose and filled the air. "NOOO! Jessie, don't make me go in there! Not _yet_! I'm not ready!"

"You look ready enough to me! Now _come on_!"

"Both of ya's, cut it out before we gets our paycheck cuts even more den da skimpy amount it already is!"

Giovanni allowed a sweatdrop to roll down the side of his head. Yes, unfortunately, they had arrived. There was no mistaking the scene set out before him – the blue-haired male yowling as the female tried to pry his fingers from the door frame while the cat stood nearby, holding his head in despair.

"HEY! You three!" Giovanni cut in. His voice made them all stop in what they were doing and turn to face him nervously. Giovanni signaled for them to come near. "Over here, by the desk. I would like to discuss your new mission as quickly as possible. You're late enough as it were."

"Uhh, but boss..." started Jessie, sounding a bit more shaky from when she first arrived. "We came all the way from Sinnoh just too -"

"GOSH DARNIT, COME TO THE DESK!"

The three obeyed without hesitation and instantly bowed down before their leader. Giovanni looked them over and after a couple minutes of silence, began to speak again. "Alright, you fools don't know why I called you here, do you?" They shook their heads just like he expected they would and continued. "Well, the sole reason is because I have a...uh, _mission_. And as fate may have it, all the rest of the Rockets, even the newest recruits, are already in the middle of their own business and nobody has been able to take the job. It's embarrassing, really..." He coughed and cleared his throat. "Anyway, that's basically why I called you three down here."

"A new mission? Really, boss?" Meowth asked, his eyes tearing up in joy. And here, he had thought they were going to get harsh treatment or even get fired. It sure came as a surprise.

"Yes." Giovanni replied. He scratched at his neck. "Anyway, looking at you now, I'm not so sure if you can succeed in this mission after all your past screw-ups, so tell me...truthfully, honestly, do you think you can handle the job?"

"Oh yes, boss! We can handle it!" the three voices chimed back, obviously eager to finally do something other than the dreaded Pikachu Mission. They bowed down again, hoping it would show their worth on the team.

Giovanni shrugged. Eh, what the heck? "OK, fine." he answered, and the three of them stood up. He fished around in his pocket and took out a crumpled piece of paper. "Now listen closely to directions, for am not going to repeat myself. Here is what you must do..."

...

"I cannot believe this nonsense," Jessie commented after they had taken quite a distance from the Team Rocket HQ. "We pay what little money we have left to catch a plane back to Kanto and during the twenty-four hour flight I have to suffer sitting between two old men that smell like they haven't bathed in years just to find out...all he wants us to do is his _grocery shopping_?"

The threesome had been sent outside and they were currently making their ways toward the superstore, Giovanni's shopping list in hand. Since, being in Kanto, members of Team Rocket were easily recognised, Jessie and James were given cheap black jackets to wear over their uniforms (Meowth wanted one too but did not get one since he was, after all, naked). Giovanni also provided them with an amazing, shiny credit card to pay for his food, not forgetting to give them a strong warning about the punishments they would receive if his money were to be abused in any form.

"It couldn't be too bad," James offered, finding it best to stay the least bit optimistic in the bleak situation. "Think of it this way: it's one job we can't possibly screw-up. I mean, without us having to worry about the twerps and their twerpy pokemon...we'll be raking in some easy dough quicker and more proficiently than ever before."

Meowth didn't seem so sure. "Nyah...you do realise goin' grocery shoppin' involves walking down aisles filled with food...dat we can't eat, I might add!" His stomach grumbled on cue and he clutched onto it, hoping the pain would soon subside.

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it _now_." Jessie grumbled, heaving a sigh. "If we can't even pull off doing measly errands for the boss, he'll kick us off the team for sure." She glared at her partners in crime. "And you two just hadto accept the mission in the first place, didn't you?"

"Uhh...Jessie, you accepted it too..." James reminded her, scratching behind his head with the use of his left hand. He looked on nervously as Jessie reached behind her back for some kind of item she could strike him over the head with, realising he shouldn't have opened his mouth to make that last remark.

"Don't you go blaming _me_ for this now!" she warned, bringing out a mallet.

"Wait! Hold on! Let's just forget I even mentioned it and – AAAHHH!" James put his hands to his head for protection and moved slightly to the side, surprisingly managing to avoid the blow in the process.

"Hey, you kids cut down on da fightin'," Meowth scolded, a couple steps in front of them. "Don't make me turn around and come back dere...I don't tink I have to remind you dat I spent two hours during da plane trip sharpin' my claws and I aint afraid to use dem bad boys either. Besides," he pointed off in front of him. "If you haven't been able ta notice, we've already arrived at our destination."

Jessie rolled her eyes. "You know Meowth, you don't have to be our personalized GPS," she muttered. "Of course I knew we were here. I was just waiting to see how long it would take for _you guys_ to figure it out." She chuckled, earning two sweatdrops in response. "Now," she took an extra step forward, causing the automatic doors to slide open. "Let's get this over with, why don't we?"

"Jessie, wait!"

The red-head turned her head. "What is it _now_?" she quired a bit irritably.

"There's a sign." James answered. He traced the words with his finger. "See?...it says, 'No Pets Allowed'."

Meowth's eyes widened in shock. "Uh oh..." he said, his voice sounding worried. "Looks like you're going to hafta wait fer us outside, Jimmy!"

James narrowed his eyes down at the cat. "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" he growled, clenching his fist.

"Although I can't deny saying that the philosophy behind that is true..." Jessie cut in, finding herself agreeing with the normal-type. "It's easy to see that what the sign _really _means is that they don't allow pokemon here. And that obviously pertains to Meowth in this situation."

"Well, what are we going to do?" asked James. Although they could've just left him out to wait, it seemed unfair that he would get off easily without having to help out on the 'mission'.

"Are you kidding me?" Jessie laughed, smirking. "We're Team Rocket – we're masters of disguise. I know exactly how we'll get him in there."

5 minutes later...

"I never agreed to anyting like _dis_! Please tell me I don't have to wear dis goofy outfit!" Meowth whimpered, unhappy. His body was wrapped up in a sky-blue blanket with pictures of little togepi and pichu sewn into the fabric, concealing his body whereas a large, pink baby bonnet was tied to his head to cover up his ears and charm. He was tucked snuggly into the front of the cart, the seatbelt strapped over his cocoon-like figure.

"I think it suits you well...blue is definitely your colour, Meowth. It makes your eyes pop." James giggled as he pushed the cart, happy to have gotten a chance at comeback for the pet insult.

"Don't start!" Meowth threatened. "When I get my dignity back, I swear I'm gonna -"

"Shut up!" Jessie hissed, putting a gloved hand to the cat's mouth. "You're a baby, remember? Act the part before I have to force this pacifier down your throat and _really _make you cry!"

Meowth muttered softly before silencing himself on Jessie's command.

"That's better." she commented, satisfied with the result. "Good boy." She patted the humiliated pokemon on his head before taking the shopping list from her pocket. "Alright, let's get started. Since we're currently in the dairy product section, we might as well begin there on the list."

"OK, what do we need first?" James quired. "Let me guess...cheese, eggs and milk?"

"The boss doesn't eat eggs, James." Jessie corrected him. "They make him gassy. At least, that's how the rumor goes."

"Oh yeah." James grinned. "I remember that rumor. I heard that last year on Easter, practically everyone avoided him as much as possible. All the agents who came into work had to hold their breath or cover their noses; personally I don't blame them. Good thing we were traveling in Hoenn at the time, because I don't think I would've been able to deal under such...conditions."

Meowth snickered to himself, strapped up in the cart. No one really gave notice though.

Jessie sweatdropped. "Well, that would explain why he doesn't have it on the list, now doesn't it?" she pointed out. "Anyway," she cleared her throat, getting back on subject. "Throw some of those vanilla and strawberry yogurts into the cart. He wants Yoplait® and no other brand will do. Oh, and also, grab some Smart Balance® butter and swiss cheese, while you're at it."

"OK." James responded. He took the specified items off their shelves and tossed them down into the cart. "Anything else down here?"

"Ummm..." Jessie skimmed the food articles written on the list for more dairy products. "Oh! He wants milk, too. One percent."

James looked surprised. "Really? Wow...it's good to know he's finally taking the small steps in life to lose some of that excess weight!" He opened the door where the milk was stored neatly, taking one out and slamming it down with the yogurt, cheese and butter. He rubbed his hands together after a job well done. "Alright, so are we almost finished yet?"

Jessie facepalmed. "Nooo...we just started, you numskull." she mumbled.

"Oh..." James said, crestfallen. "Well, how long's the list?"

Jessie allowed the list to unwind, the paper rolling down longer and longer until it must have reached at least five feet of length. Both James and Meowth gasped in horror.

"You mean...we have to get _all _of _this_?!" James breathed, too shocked for words.

_No way! Dat's mad!, _Meowth thought to himself, trying desperately to contain a shout of alarm.

"Come on, buck up you two." Jessie demanded. "This mission wasn't meant to be easy, and that's why he assigned it to us. So instead of moping around and whining, let's go over the fruits and vegetables and continue from there."

"Aww...fine then." James surrendered softly, taking to the front of the cart and beginning to push it into the direction in which they were heading. Jessie began to walk alongside the cart when suddenly, she felt a gurgling sensation from within her body. And it wasn't her stomach.

James was still steering the cart when Meowth pointed over to where Jessie was standing. James turned around to see that Jessie had stopped. "Come on, Jessie. You're the one who wants to get this done so badly. What's the problem?"

"Nothing..." Jessie mumbled. "I just...have to use the facilities." She sweatdropped, hoping no passer-bys had heard her. "You guys keep going and I'll meet back up with you when I'm done. Here's the list." She handed over the scroll-like list to her partner.

"OK...what about the money?"

Jessie looked at him as if the question was the craziest thing she had ever heard. "The money? You'd think I'd trust you with the money?! No way, James. Who knows if that good-for-nothing salesmen is lurking around here? I'm not about to let you fail this mission by buying a magikarp with the boss's cash! No." She patted her pocket, where the Visa card was safely deposited. "I'll take care of the money. You worry about the food. I'll be right back, it shouldn't take long."

Meowth watched carefully as Jessie's form disappeared over the horizon (or at least, to the restroom area). He let out a puff of air. "Is she gone?" he whispered, having been grateful to talk after about 3.5 minutes of deathly silence.

"Yeah, she's gone...hey, wait!" James looked down at Meowth with suspicion. "You just talked, did you not? You're not supposed to talk! **Everyone's gonna find out you're a fraud**!"

"Well gee, you don't have ta shout it for all da woild ta hear..." Meowth replied in a hushed tone. "You're doin' a better job of givin' me away den even **I** am! Anyway, what's da crap we gotta get on dat here list?"

"Fruits and vegetables...tons of 'em." James answered as he glanced down at the list. "We've got A's to Z's here, starting from avocados and apples all the way down to zucchini and everything in between! The boss is crazy! It's as if all he does during his spare time is eat."

"Wouldn't soiprise me." Meowth commented, still in a low voice. "Might as well get with da program, though. Dis shoppin' list of his is gonna take weeks ta complete."

"OK. Let's go." James took control of the cart once more as they journeyed on a grand adventure toward the valleys of cucumbers and fields of watermelon. They didn't go very far when a man's voice came from out of nowhere, interrupting the expedition.

"Hey, you!"

James looked around for the voice, confused. "Who, me?" he asked, pointing to himself.

"Yeah, you!"

"Well...what about me?" he questioned. "Oh, wait...is that you, conscience?" he gasped, almost in realisation. "My, it's been a while! You sound a bit...different than last time, though. Are you going through puberty or something?"

"Wait...uhhh...what are you talking about? I'm right behind you, son." the voice came again. James turned around and came face to face with a man at a small stand.

"Oh." he said, after eying the man over. He stared at him for a couple of seconds and then, randomly and unexpectedly, let out what sounded like a moan. "Great, now I'm hallucinating..."

"Ah, but it's better than a hallucination!" the man chirped. "It's our special brand of grilled steak! One hundred percent satisfaction guarantee! Well, actually...99.1 percent...but it's still as good as ever!" He motioned his hands over a bunch of little cups, each filled with a tiny portion of meat.

James could feel himself drooling. That steak looked very much appetizing! He reached into his pocket for money, but pulled it out sadly once the truth bit mercilessly at his heels – he was broke. "Aww...I don't have any money." he ruminated aloud, disappointed.

The man cocked his head. "What do you mean? You don't have to pay...it's Saturday, and every Saturday is Free Samples Day!"

"Free...samples...?" James stuttered, overcome with joy.

"Yeah..." the man answered, not sure whether he too should be ecstatic because of the wonderful world of free samples or just a little scared due to the ravenous gleam in his customer's eyes. "Here, want one?"

"Heck yes, I do!" James helped himself to a sample, not only eating the little portion of steak but also barely consuming the plastic cup as well (not exactly the best for the digestive tracks). Meowth meanwhile, looked on hungrily from the cart. He wanted a free sample, too. Life wasn't fair.

"Hey Jimmy," he whispered, slipping his paw out silently and using it to tug on his friend's sleeve. "Gimmie a sample, would'ya? Meowth's hungry!"

James either did not hear him or did not wish to pay attention at the time because he was way too busy trying to extract every little molecule of edibility from the free sample. Meowth, getting hungrier by the minute, felt like he could just die there staring at all the free samples set out in front of the man at the stand. "Gimmie a sample!" he repeated again and when there continued to be no response, he decided to take action, swiping his claws against James's arm.

"Ouch!" he yelped, bending down and clutching at his arm.

The man at the stand appeared puzzled at the behaviour. "What's the matter?" he questioned curiously.

"Uhhh...oh nothing!" James chuckled, getting up quickly. "Just a little bit of...indigestion." He patted his stomach. "Oooh...yeah, definitely indigestion. FEEL THE BURNING INFLAMMATION!"

"Errr...are you gonna be alright?"

"Oh, me? Sure! I'm fine and dandy!" He smiled and added in a fake cough for emphasis. Then, he suddenly looked somewhere over the man's shoulder and made an astonished expression. "WHOA! Is that a bulbasaur wearing pink and purple polka-dot pajamas whilst doing the chicken dance?!"

"Hunh? Where?" the man turned his head away and James swiped a sample, shoving it in Meowth's mouth and running down a nearby aisle with the cart.

"There!" he hissed. "I got you a flippin' sample. Happy now?"

Meowth gulped down the food and smirked. "Yes. Tanks fer finally cooperatin'." The cat looked at his claws as he licked the remains off their sharp surfaces. _All ya gotta do is train 'em..., _he thought to himself, knowing there was no better form of persuasion than pain. He let out a satisfied belch and retracted his claws. "Well, dat certainly helped with da hunger pangs a little. But ya know, I'm still famished..."

James rolled his eyes. "I'm hungry too, Meowth. But what am **I **supposed to do about that?!" It didn't take long for his face to brighten as he came to an idea. He rubbed at his chin. "Hey...are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"If yer tinkin' about fried oyster skins and salty french fries den we tink alike, my friend."

"Well...kind of..." James scratched his head and sweatdropped. "Actually, I was thinking...while Jessie's in the bathroom, why don't we go around and collect some free samples? She might take a little longer in there today; I saw her bring a Life magazine in there with her, and that's a good sign. So obviously, we have some time to bide."

"For once, I hafta agree with ya." Meowth grinned toothily. "Heheheh! Let's go gorge ourselves on dose samples. But dis time, don't forget ta feed da cat!"

...

The sound of a toilet flushing and a sink's water rushing down came from behind the door before Jessie emerged out of the Women's Room. She rubbed her hands on her skirt, feeling refreshed and relieved after having done her duties. "I can't believe that twerpy Professor Oak won the 'Most Proficient Professor of the Year' reward again." she muttered. "What a bunch of hoopla." She threw the Life magazine in a nearby trash can and out of her possession, unhappy with what it had to offer.

She looked ahead at the fruits and vegetables area, trying to scout for her partners in crime. It didn't come as much of a surprise when she failed to spot them. "Wonder what those birdbrains are up to this time." she voiced sarcastically. "Better go find them before they do something drastic that'll cost me my job....and will cost _them _an arm and a leg – literally."

She took a drink at the water fountain nearby to calm herself a bit and when she lifted her head, she noticed a large, colourful poster. "Hmm..." she pondered, wiping droplets of water off her mouth as she read the advertisement. "They're having a special sale this weekend? 20 percent off of almost half of all articles of clothing?"

"I see our little ad has managed to catch your eye." came a voice. Jessie turned around to see a man behind her with a mustache, goatee and an unusually large (and creepy) smile.

"Is it really true? 20 percent off all this junk?" she asked. She couldn't believe what a good deal that was.

"Why yes, of course it's true. Would we lie?" asked the man, leaning on Jessie's shoulder and raising his eyebrows in a flirtatious manner. "We're having a big sale this weekend. 'Everything Must Go'! Have you, by any chance happened to stop by our clothing department today? No pretty young lady like yourself would come here for a reason like grocery shopping...I mean, that's why the world has husbands, right?"

"Of course I'm pretty," Jessie agreed, taking pride in what the man was saying rather than picking up the signals. She puffed up her hair to prove the statement. "Wait, so there really _is_ a clothing department here? That sounds...interesting..."

"Why yes. Quite so, madam." the man replied, still smiling widely like a gengar would. "You're telling me you haven't yet seen it? Oh, but you must." He grabbed her wrist. "Come with me and I shall escort you, my dear. Let us go about our shopping together."

"Uhhh...real nice of you." she replied coldly, not flattered by the man's ways. She reeled her hand away and waved it in the air. "But I'll have you know I am perfectly capable of doing things myself, if you don't mind."

"Oh, but you'd be sorry to shoo me away." the man laughed. "I am but a master of fashion. I shall help you pick out the most beautiful wardrobe I possibly can and at the cheapest prices." He winked and then whispered, "Maybe I'll even throw in a special little discount, just for you."

Jessie couldn't help it as her lips twisted in a large grin. "Your offering pleases me..."

"So, I take that as a yes, my sweet?"

Jessie thought it over. It had been ages since she last went shopping and she could use a new outfit or two. The boss had given them three-hundred dollars...he couldn't _possibly _need that much for all his food. Besides, she'd only spend but a little. At the low prices being offered, she was sure she'd be able to buy something nice without her boss even realising she spent the money.

She smirked. "Alright...show me around, why don't you?"

...

"Mmm, mmm, good!" Meowth laughed under his breath as millions of both empty and full tiny plastic cups littered the cart. "Dese free samples really hit da spot."

"It's just too bad we haven't thought of this before." James added, eating a piece of casserole out of one free sample and then a pizza roll out of the other. "Just think of how many times we could've saved ourselves from hunger if only we had just sneaked into these superstores from time to time, taking the free samples to our advantage."

Meowth nodded. "You're right about dat! Now, hand me dat one with da pineapple slice in it." He was just about to receive his pineapple sample when a woman started to walk toward them.

"Woman approaching cart from the west wing!" James alerted in quiet panic. "Take cover and act normal!" Meowth quickly pulled the blanket fully around his body and plucked the pacifier into his mouth. James pushed the cart along and began whistling to the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean".

"Awww!" cooed the woman as she came close to the cart. "How adorable! The father taking the baby with him to do some grocery shopping. Such bonding, they cry!"

"Um, actually..." James coughed. "I'm his second uncle...twice removed."

"Oh, even more wonderful! What a kind, responsible uncle you must be, having this junior in your care." She reached over to touch Meowth, who was turned in the opposite direction, nervously wishing the lady would go away. "May I hold it?" she asked politely.

"Uh, sure..." James sweatdropped. He handed Meowth to the woman, who rocked him back and forth in her arms. The cat looked up at her, trying to make his eyes look big and googly and he began to babble in baby dialect. "Goobla...gah gah...gloop..." _Gee, I sound like an idiot, _he mulled in his head.

"Oh...wow. What a cute...little baby boy." she started slowly and unsure, not quite expecting to peer into the face that looked so much like a cat's. "He's...uh...got your nose...?"

"Um, er, actually, he resembles his mother much, much more." James assured. "They're almost completely identical. It's a bit...frightening."

"Well, I'm sure." the woman said. She handed Meowth back over, much to his relief. "Thanks, and have a good day!" Without a word more to say, she took off, probably trying to get as far away as possible from what she had just witnessed.

_I've got his...nose...?, _James wondered in his head, touching his own to make sure it was still there. If Meowth didn't have a nose and there was some kind of resemblance between he and the cat, that would obviously mean he would have a lack of a nose too, wouldn't it?

"OK, _dat _was certainly not sometin' I was planning on doin' today." Meowth sighed, his heart still racing. "We gots ta be more careful around dese baby-crazy ladies. Anyway, getting back ta business..." He pointed his paw to another nearby stand where free ice cream samples were being handed out. "Dere's some good lookin' ones over dere. Let's go onwards and grab us up some of dem suckers!"

"Ooh, good eye Meowth." James complimented, forgetting their earlier embarrassment. "Now, stop talking and start getting into your baby act. We're heading on over!"

...

"Alright, let's see it!"

The curtain to the dressing room opened, revealing a red-haired female all gussied up in a large, fluffy orange dress that reached down to her feet. The outfit itself seemed to glitter in the lights that shone down upon it and the man with the gengar smile drooled at the sight.

"Hmm...I don't know if I like this or not." Jessie contemplated, her finger to her chin in thought. "I mean, I'm not sure orange is my colour. Personally, I like the red because it brings out my hair. What do you think? The red or the orange?"

_You look good in both... _the man went over in his head, wiping the drool off his sleeve. "Uh, I don't know, Miss. I honestly think both of them compliment you quite well. The red one would be a good summer-wear, and I could see the orange one as nice apparel for autumn."

"Hrrrmmm...alright. I'll take them both." Jessie decided.

The man smiled. "Good taste!" he laughed. "I can definitely see you transforming into a new, more stylish woman!"

"Yeah, I can...hey, wait a minute!" She smacked the man down on the head with use of her mallet. "Are you trying to tell me I wasn't stylish _before_?!"

The man got up, rubbing his head. "Uhh, no! That was not what I meant at all, my darling, you see, I -"

"Oh, shut your yap!" she ordered. "And do something useful for a change! Get the bags and follow me. We haven't even gotten to the shoes yet and it's all your fault for wasting good time that we _could _be spending on shopping!"

"Y-yes. Right away, madam." the man stuttered, taken aback a bit by her fury. He scrambled over to the large sea of shopping bags cluttered in a mess on the floor and began to pick them up one by one. Jessie, satisfied that he was doing as he was told, looked into a mirror as she brushed a hand down her hair, waiting to get back down to business.

"Come on, hurry up! Let's get some shooooeeess!"

Before long, the two of them were making their way to the shoe aisle. Jessie continued admiring herself in the mirror as they walked while the man behind her struggled to keep his balance, a tower of bags and boxes stacked in his arms like the Leaning Tower of Pizza (I mean, *Pisa).

"Oooh! Just take a look at these." Jessie gasped, picking up a pair of high heels the colour of a vulpix's fur. "I think these would go well with both the orange and the red!" She held the right shoe up to the orange dress she was wearing for inspection and then took the red one on the hanger, comparing that one with the shoe as well.

"Yes, most lovely! One mighty fine pair of shoes!" the man responded, his voice partly muffled due to the bags crowding up in his face.

"Now all we need is to find pairs to match the other outfits!" she remarked. "Then, we'll take a stroll down the jewelry aisle and pick up a necklace or two. Maybe a nice ring. Besides that, I think we've just about covered every square inch of this department. Our work here is almost complete!"

"A-as you say, my princess." the man stammered.

"Good! Now put down those bags and help me pick out some shoes!" she demanded. She walked over to inspect a couple of black dress shoes as the man came over to join in. _Please, let this torture __**end**__!, _he pleaded in his mind, wishing with all his heart that his life would be spared.

However, he was not to be spared. After about twenty minutes looking for shoes, they had transferred themselves over to the jewelry aisle. The gengar-smiled man wasn't smiling when his arms began to ache from holding all those clothes – they weighed a ton! It didn't help that Jessie still seemed to be taking her time, as usual.

"Hmph. Look at all these necklaces. They're all cheap plastic," she mumbled, fingering through a blue-beaded one hanging from the wall. She turned to the man behind her. "Hey, don't you guys sell any _real _jewelry here or what?"

"Well, all the more expensive items have to be pre-ordered..." the man trailed on nervously, not ready to face her reaction so soon.

Jessie slapped herself on the forehead. "Geez, what does a girl have to do to get in some proper shopping, these days? Pre-order? Pfft. I don't have time for such silly nonsense." She was a bit saddened to find she'd have to go without a couple more nice accessories, but at least the outfits she had were good and would keep her happy for a while.

"I could help you in filling out the pre-ordering sheet..." the man began to suggest, but Jessie shook her head.

"Oh, just forget about it." she said, waving her hand. "I'm through with all this."

The man poked his head out from all the bags and boxes and smiled his trademark smile. "Oh, so we are finished then, yes? Come! Let us complete the shopping process." He stumbled as he led Jessie up to the cash register, excited about the moolah his company was about to reel in. Maybe he would get a pay raise for his efforts! That would make it well worth it.

...

"Hmm, it's getting harder and harder to find more free samples..." James mused aloud worriedly, pushing the cart around as he looked about him, trying to catch sight of a stand of samples that they had not yet visited.

Meowth sighed. "Dat can't be all of dem! I'm still hungry..."

James stopped the cart and rested his head in his palm. "Yeah, it was fun while it lasted." he added. "And I'll admit I'm still hungry too. But since we can't seem to find any more, we may all well get back to work. Jessie might start wondering where we are and the longer we keep her wondering, the more punishment we'll probably end up receiving." He sweatdropped.

"You're right about dat." Meowth said with a nod, not particularly interested in getting his skull crushed up or having his tail tied up to a tree branch, leaving him suspended in the air.

"I know...let's head back over to the fruits and vegetables! We can just throw a bunch of random things into the cart to make it look like we were working while she was in the loo." James brought up slyly. He grabbed the cart and started steering it away when suddenly, Meowth spied something.

"H-hey! Wait! Stop da cart!" he commanded. He realised a couple people were walking past and he brought his voice back down to a whisper as not to be discovered. He cleared his throat and once again yanked on James's sleeve. "Look! Look! I found annudah free sample and I don't tink we've been ta dis one, yet!" he prodded in a soft, excited voice.

James turned the cart to take a gander at what Meowth was pointing at. It was a large plate of brownies, sitting out all by itself, just waiting to be eaten. "Are...are those _brownies_?" he quired. There was no mistaking that delicious smell. He brought the cart up to the brownies so he and the feline could investigate further and get a better whiff.

"Yup! Dis has gotta be da best sample, yet!" Meowth laughed under his breath, rubbing his paws together in anticipation.

"Here! One for me, one for you." James said hastily, taking two brownies from the platter and handing one off to the normal-type pokemon whilst wolfing down one on his own.

"Mmmmmm! Yum!" Meowth complimented with a satisfied grin. "Dat was even _better _den I expected! Best brownie I ever done had! It's just too bad we can't have anuddah...I could sure go for seconds!"

James peered around himself cautiously. Whoever was in charge of these particular free samples must not have been around, thus, here they were, out in the open without protection. Since no one had probably seen or cared that they had already eaten their samples, they could get away with more, right? He took another two brownies, handing one off to Meowth per usual. "I don't think anybody will notice if we just take two more."

"Naw! Dey wouldn't know!" Meowth agreed with a wink, biting into his brownie. Before long, the second helping of brownies was devoured and they were _still _hungry. Meowth saw that no one still seemed to be watching, so he stood up and grabbed another one for himself.

"Hey! I want another one, too!" James whined, ecstatic from the fun he was having.

More and more brownies began to disappear from the plate and soon, there was nothing left but crumbs. In a matter of minutes, James and Meowth were sprawled onto the ground, both with their hands to their stomachs.

"I'm actually...feeling full, for once..." James spoke up, giggling drunkenly from the sugar intake.

"M-me too, Jimmy boy...me too...heheheh..." Meowth replied to this, also laughing giddily as he twirled around one whisker between his fingers.

They had chosen a bad time to lay down for a rest, because one of the employees of the superstore happened to walk by at that time and saw them there on the ground. He looked down at them with their full bellies and then up at the empty platter that used to hold brownies. "HEY!" he yelled, shocking the two of them out of their wits. "You have to pay for those, you know! They're one dollar a piece, plus tax!"

"...pay?" Meowth repeated, shocked. He looked at James and at the same time, they both came to a sudden understanding: Those brownies had not indeed been free samples.

"Uhhh, wonderful weather we're having today, isn't it?" James laughed nervously. Meowth jumped into the cart and James took control of it, the two of them attempting to make a run for their lives.

"HEY! Come back here!" the man screamed, chasing after them.

"Oh, sweet mother of Arcues, he's after us!" Meowth shrieked. "Pick up da speed on dis ting!"

James took as fast of a run start as he could muster before jumping and landing his feet on the bottom rung of the cart whilst clutching onto the handlebar, hitching a ride. The cart zoomed away at 45 miles an hour.

"Woo-hooooooo!" James cheered as as his hair flapped in the wind. "We're getting away with it!"

Meowth looked behind him and his eyes widened. "AAAAAHHH! Hold on! Slow it down! Slow it down!" he screeched in terror. He threw himself at James's chest, clutching around him for protection.

"Hunh? What's wrong, Meowth?" he asked. He looked up just in time for he, himself to scream before all three of them – man, cat and cart – made impact with a shelf straight in front of them. Cans of progressive soup poured everywhere and pieces of shelf crumpled down, creating a large cloud of dust. When the dust cleared there was a total mess of two live organisms surrounded with wood, cans of soup and the trusty shopping cart – that of which surprisingly managed to stay standing through it all.

"Ughhh...my head..." James moaned, having had three cans of soup hit him in the noggin during the painful episode.

"_Attention!_" shouted the intercom overhead. "_Clean-up on aisle six! I repeat, clean-up on aisle six!_"

A figure loomed over James and Meowth as they struggled to get up and they came face-to-face with a pair of high heeled shoes. "You two?!" the voice exclaimed and they flinched, knowing well who it belonged to. "What in the name of all that is good and pure in this world are you DOING?!"

"Jessie?!" James said, equally as surprised. "W-why are you...all dressed up?" He stared at her, unable to take his eyes off after having been unexpectedly attracted. "You look...good...in orange..."

Meowth gasped. "Jessie! Don't tell me ya spent all da money on da boss's credit card for dat outfit!"

"Nooo...I got a couple more outfits, too!" she protested. "After all, just one isn't enough for someone with as much beauty as myself!" She brushed her fingers through her hair. "But of course, _your kind _wouldn't know much about that, now would you?!"

_Oh great, this is where our lives come to an end!, _James realised, knowing death was soon near. He ran up to the man carrying Jessie's newly purchased clothes. "Look, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we've made a little mistake," he assured the man. "Please take all this stuff back, we need the money!"

The man smiled his gengar smile. "I apologise for the inconvenience, but here at the Viridian Superstore, we have a strict policy with no refunds allowed. That's just the way it is!" He grinned even wider. "Good day to you, sir!" he said cheerfully, bounding away.

"Wha-wha-what are we gonna do NOW?!" James wailed pitifully, pulling at his hair in the agony of defeat.

"Quiet, I'll think of something." Jessie assured him.

"**Ya better do dat quick!**" Meowth yelled in a state of frenzy. "Dat dude comin' over here doesn't look very happy at us!"

"THIEVES! You pay for what you stole!" came the employee's voice as he finally caught up to those who he had been so vigorously chasing. As soon as he made it to them, he put his hands to his knees to catch his breath. It wasn't easy following a shopping cart going 45 miles an hour.

"Wait...what did you guys _do_?!" Jessie asked, glaring at the two of them and they slunk back on cue.

"W-we were eating free samples!" James admitted.

"And we saw da brownies dere and we ate dem, but dey wasn't free samples!" Meowth added miserably.

"Now not only have we probably cut twenty bucks into the boss's budget with the brownies..." James explained further. "But, Jessie's cut in to about three or four hundred dollars as well!"

"We're in deep doo-doo!" Meowth sobbed. "Dere ain't nothin' we can do ta get on da boss's good side after _dis_!"

Suddenly, an exclamation point appeared above Jessie's head as a grand idea processed from within her brain cells. "Hold on a minute!" A smile played on her lips. "I think I have a plan to get us out of this mess! It's foolproof."

"Oh, I sure hope so!" James said. The man had started screaming at them again, still ordering them to pay him the money worth the brownies they had stolen.

"How 'bout you tell us da plan after we gets away from dis crazy guy over here?" Meowth found it necessary to suggest.

"Agreed!" Jessie and James replied in sync and the three of them raced for the cart and used it as a means of transportation of escape once again. The employee sweatdropped as the cart disappeared out of sight and he took chase again.

"HEY! Come back here!"

...

The man in the red suit sat boredly at his desk, flipping channels on his remote control at a small TV in the corner of the room.

"Aaaauuugh! Nothing to do, and nothing good on the telly, either!" He slammed down the remote, not impressed at its failure of entertaining him. The TV shut off before two batteries popped out of the remote due to how hard it had been crushed onto the desk.

Giovanni muttered a curse word – today hadn't been his day. He wiped the remote and batteries off his desk and into the trash can at his side.

All of a sudden, his door creaked open and the same grunt from before stuck his head in. "Uhhh, heh heh, Mister Giovanni, uh, sir, um -"

"Yes, yes, **what is it boy?!**" The Team Rocket boss interrupted impatiently, wanting the grunt to get on with what he had to say.

"Uhmm, sir, Jessie, James and Meowth have -"

"Oh, finally! I've been waiting for those imbeciles all day. I'm surprised they even decided to show up." He flicked his hand at the grunt. "Bring them in now...COME ON!"

"Right away!" The grunt vanished from the door. Fifteen seconds later, Jessie, James and Meowth appeared with huge armfuls of packages marked with Viridian Superstore logos. Giovanni was shocked that they had managed to get the job done, but glad nonetheless to receive his food. He'd been craving potato chips for ages!

"Good job, you three. Put the food by my desk and I'll take care of it from there."

"Yes sir." the three of them chimed innocently, obeying his command by placing the bags of food by their boss's desk. After that task had been accomplished, they made way to the front and bowed. "Enjoy your food, Giovanni, sir."

_Unbelievable, _Giovanni mused. Well, maybe they weren't as big of losers as he thought. He took out a ten dollar bill. "Here's your paycheck. Knock yourselves out!"

Jessie accepted their reward and they all looked to it in delight. They hadn't earned so much money in years! "Thank you, Mr. Giovanni, sir -"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Get outta my office, I have important work to attend to!" Giovanni watched them scurry out with their paycheck and waited until the door closed completely. He patted his persain on the head. "Well, even though the TV isn't working, I think it's about time for me to have a little snack. Right, Persain?"

"Mrrrooow..."

"Yes, I didn't forget to add your Fancy Feast® to the list." Giovanni replied, rolling his eyes. "But first things first: your master needs his potato chips. Now, where are they?..." The man picked up a bag and tilted it upside-down, spilling its contents on the floor. Instead of seeing potato chips and Fancy Feast® like he had hoped, the sight of little plastic cups each filled with small portions of food befell his gaze. Giovanni only stared for a second, trying to register the information in his brain. They had gotten him bags full of...free samples?!

"JESSIE! JAMES! MEOOOOOWWWTHHH!" The cry rattled through Team Rocket headquarters and halfway across Kanto. The three unfortunate souls sneaking down the hallway suddenly flinched when they caught their names being screamed among the wind. They all looked to each other and sweatdropped, realising their plan had been foiled. They broke out in a run, speeding through the hallways and busting past doors.

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" they yelled in unison, pushing past a bunch of Team Rocket agents and making them fall to the ground, causing injury and chaos. The three of them disappeared out the HQ's exit as a handful of Team Rocket grunts stood themselves up from the ground and recovered from the mass stampede.

Giovanni, meanwhile, slumped down in his chair and sighed, resting his head in his palms.

"I want my potato chips."

~End


End file.
